when i wake at 4:30

when i wake at 4:30, i make a mug of coffee, find a spot in the house where a light won't wake my family, and settle into my brain dump, my book, journal and blog.
this morning's spot is in my daughter's room, she wandered out of bed last night.
and some mornings i get to do these things sans kid, though i got two sentences into this post and my little boy's missing mommy radar went off so now he's cuddling beside me.

i love these kids. i find myself completely 100% unable to yell at them. because yelling doesn't resolve any behavior or action. at most, it startles and scares kids, the opposite of what i want my kids to feel. i want to understand them. truly peaceful parenting is all-encompassing mind, body, thought work to develop a trusting relationship with your children. i have never felt understood when i'm yelled at or dismissed, have you?
but to have someone who loves you to squat down with a tiny version of yourself and ask first if you're okay, work through the reason a door is being slammed, why the kids are fighting, why he keeps grabbing things off the counter. all of these behaviors have a reason. kids don't do things absent-mindedly. adults do. and i am breaking that cycle with peaceful parenting to be sure my kids grow as conscious, loved and loving adults.

i have been very interested in the concept and research on transgenerational parenting. that is another post in itself. essentially, how you were parented is engrained in you. and to not parent the same way, a lot of conscious effort needs to be made to not create little broken people. because broken children become broken adults. we have enough brokenness in the world. enough pain. a beautiful, mindful life starts right here, with sleepy cuddly babies who love me.